It’s Always Unconstitutional if it Suits My Purposes

I think it’s funny that some people, (those of a specific political standing) usually get all upset over things being “unconstitutional” when it comes to things that are immoral or depraved. You can trust in someone with a…leftist standing to get upset if you take away their alcohol (or pornography) rights but when it comes to my rights to carry a gun…well those are just too dangerous, even though drunk drivers kill people too. I believe irresponsible drinking is way more dangerous and widespread, unchecked, and out of control than gun violence, though that might be a bold statement. Too often children and I say children on purpose, are drinking their lives away and it’s not considered fatal. In fact it’s “normal,” just kids being kids. People should learn how to drink responsibly just as someone should learn how to properly handle a gun. And we should have the freedom to do both even though I think one is really stupid and one, thanks to years of propaganda and juxtaposition in media, has all the appearance of it.

Spain:)

There is one thing that I have learned over the last year. Things almost never turn out the way you plan. While that truly scares me because of all the things that I hope and wish for, I also feel immense satisfaction. Because even though it makes me sad that life doesn't turn out the way you plan--it always turns out better than you expected. I never planned to do anything much in my life besides be married by the age of 19. Thank goodness that didn't happen. Because, besides not being ready for marriage at the age of 19 I was able to grow SO much in so many strange, painful, and different ways.
I have learned so much about politics, English, writing, and even life. Now in 19 days, 9 hours, 2 minutes and 57 seconds I leave for Spain! I never expected to do something so bold and scary.
To add on top of that in about a year I hope to (finally) be graduated from college in English! I never expected to do something so hard or difficult! I never thought I could do it. So even though I'm not married and I don't have kids. I am going to do two things I never thought I could do and as such I will learn how much more I can stretch and grow.

Me Alone

Pressure; the constant expectation.
Pushing, prodding, giving no time to breathe.
Catch your breath, take deep breaths.
Spell it out. Spill your guts.
Tell me the truth. Tell me nothing.
Open your heart, do it now!
Always alone, you're always alone.
Act like everyone. Be like everyone.
Try harder. Make a move.
They're not men. Do their job.
Create a spark, create it now!
Start a fire, use water and ice.
Do it now! You're more alone.
Break your heart! Do it now!
Jump! Give up! Run! Run away!
Run away until you're alone.
Take a breath, take deep breaths.
Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.

My Computer: Another Appendage

You know, I never realized how much I used my computer...well that's not entirely true, I know I have a pretty serious computer addiction. (I am seeking help) But I never realized how much my computer would actually be missed until it was gone. Just like all those old people say, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone", I suddenly feel electronically naked. Now the only thing I can do to fill the writing needs I have is write on Facebook or my email. It wasn't until today...almost two weeks since my computer broke, that I realized I had this blog thingy I can write on.

My computer has been unfailingly dependent since I got her, then about two weeks ago a message appeared on the screen that I had never seen before. My Dell Media Direct was uploading information...which it had never done before. Sadly I decided it would be a good idea to press a bunch of buttons to make it go away and now my sweet, beautiful computer is caught in some kind of loop warning. I hate my life!

The saddest part about being without my computer, not just the fact that I can't do anything, but the fact that every paper I have ever written is on that computer. Every song I have ever bought is on that computer, and every picture I have ever taken is on that computer. I am told that I should be able to get everything off safely. But like all things in life there is no guarantee. What's even more sad...(I know I say that all the time, but this time I mean it) what's really sad is that for the past few months I have been thinking I needed to do something with my stuff on my hard drive. I have been having this feeling that I needed to get an external hard drive, and I even went and looked at some but I never bought one. It's moments like this that we all kick ourselves again and again for not listening to our first impression.

I even thought of putting it on my family's external hard drive...and yet I still didn't. I hate myself.

News from Utah County

Finals have come and gone and I am almost done with another semester:) I can't believe how fast time is going, even though it seems ridiculously long while in the chaos, I am surprised to have it end already. (When you are in eternal torment, you kind of expect it to be eternal.) However, the end has come and I am glad to be finished yet again. Unfortunately I did something really stupid and signed up for summer semester so now I only have five days in between when I get done and when I start up again...at least I will be a couple classes closer to when I graduate, right?

In other news, my beautiful sister is getting married! She has met a wonderful Brit who has stolen her heart and carried it to England. They will be married on August 20 something or other...don't really know the exact date. But they will be married in the Manti Temple for time and all stinking eternity. It's a good thing they really like each other cause that is a freaking long time... He is a brilliant bloke and they are perfect together. I know people always say that but it's really true this time. I don't think it could have worked out any better if God had planned it...oh wait He did.

On the weather front, it's finally spring, the tulips are blooming the bees are buzzing and...what is that snow? Yes we have been experiencing wonderful spring-ish weather here. And then tomorrow is predicted that a snow storm is to "grace" the valley. Luckily it won't last as long as the last snow storm; where it lasted for three weeks or more and then all of the sudden, 80 degree heat (Thank you, Utah).

In business news, I have decided what I want to be when I grow up...OK I know I already decided this a long time ago. But I have recently made some serious goals for my future. Hopefully, I will be able to serve an LDS mission, I have started my papers and plan to have them finished so that I can leave not too long after Brittni gets married. Either during or after my mission, I plan to write, write, and write (what my English teacher keep telling me to do). And then I plan on publishing my first book by the time I am 25. Quite the goal right? Well it may not work out exactly as I plan, as we all must know by now that things don't usually work out that well. But I am going to do it anyway and if I don't succeed, then try, try...well you get the idea.

I know there might be a few kinks in my plan (as there usually are) like how I will be on a mission so it might be hard to publish a book and all that. But I have a feeling that these things are going to work themselves out. They always do. :)

Old habits and all that...

You know I have changed my hair a lot...I have been blond, red, brown, black, and even several mixtures. But as the summer approaches and the tint of change is in the sky, I find myself longing to be back to the old me. Good old brunette! There have been many lessons learned from my golden locks. The one being that guys really do think blonds are hotter. I have found that as a blond I have actually been hit on more...which I find weird. Girls however, didn't really treat me differently. I was pretty much just the same as if I was brunette. It just goes to show that most guys (not all) are kind of shallow. However, to my boyfriends credit, it didn't really matter to him what color I was...he still thought I was beautiful. (At least that's what he tells me) :)
I do however feel that my hair while pretty as a natural brown, looks better with some blond in it. I really do love my hair blond...it's fun and exciting. But I just miss the old me. I loved going blond! I have always wanted to try...and when my sister Brittni was the first to make the attempt I knew I would look good with blond hair. It was just a matter of building the courage. But now that I have had blond hair for the last five months I think I could use some chocolate. (hair that is, I don't really love chocolate, as in the candy) K... I don't know that that made any sense...but you get the idea.

Acclaim to College

*sigh* here I am 22 years old and still going to school. This fall will mark the 4th year of college for me. However, unfortunately I am not graduating...this is due to my lack in motivation, my fear of college and largely because, until last year I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grow up. So I spent the first two years of my college career doing EVERYTHING but my generals. I took interior design classes, ice skating classes, raquetball classes, bowling, film, golf (sadly, it came to that), photography, drawing, and even several Pilates classes. I did everything to try to avoid taking any classes that would seriously challenge me...I was terrified of failing.
But now here I am almost to year four and I love college....well I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I don't love college...but I don't know what I would do without it. It motivates me strangely enough. Everyday when I go to class I feel smarter, and better for doing what I know I can do now. I know that I can do college, I honestly know that about myself. And college is what made me see that I can do college. :)
And as for my motivation...it magnanimously grew. For instance; in the last month I have learned more about writing, American History, Science, sewing, reading, movies, and even the universe...literally. (I'm taking Astronomy) School has, oddly enough, also helped my testimony grow in my religion. As such I am now planning to spend a year and half serving the Lord. Yes I am planning to go on an LDS mission in the very near future and I cannot wait!
So college, for all its painful, distasteful, unbearable, unbelievable, insipid, ridiculous annoyances, has actually helped me. So I would like to take this moment to say thank you. Not only to the actual institution, but also to those teachers who constantly tried to pry socialism down my throat, or those who pushed me to do things that didn't think I could do, for those teachers or professors (as some liked to be called) who decided that I was worth it. For those in the financial aid department who had to suffer my wrath when I wasn't paid on time. And especially for my family and those around me who knew I could do it and constantly gave me encouragement! Finally, thank you, Utah Valley University! I know that you have only just become a real live university, but I was there with you when you were still just a state college. And you have always (most of the time) been good to me. And I thank you for that! I thank you for those good times when I had to spend 90 dollars on a parking pass only to spend an hour looking for a spot. Those times when I fell asleep in the desks in the Computer Science building, or when I had to run from the L.A. building to the G.T. building in only ten minutes time. I thank you for those wonderful memories! And I wish you nothing but good things and bigger parking lots!
Love Briana (your favorite student)