Cheated Limerick

My boyfriend is playing with matches,

The girls are the flame that he catches,

A nice little cheat...

But soon he'll be meat...

When I cut up his body and stash it.

I did this little limerick not because anyone cheated, I just thought it was funny and it was a project for a class... so I'm not crazy and I don't plan on killing anyone... yet. ;)

A Forest of Deep Emotion

I stood at the edge of the trees staring ahead at the vastness of dark forest that was laid before me. I couldn’t imagine how I had found myself standing here. The last thing I remembered was standing on top of the hill behind me and staring down at the forest, watching the horizon and knowing that the moment I entered this wood I might not find my way out again.
I wanted that horizon and I knew it, but I found myself wondering how I could get through the forest without becoming lost in its beauty. There had been ways around the forest; I had seen them from the high point on the hill. But as I moved closer to the forest I had lost sight of them and believed that the only way to get to the horizon was through the foliage.
Standing at the edge of the trees and watching the way the branches moved in the wind, swaying this way and that, creating an almost musical sound, I felt an alluring sense of wonderment that led me to take a step closer to the trees. The tall grass beneath my feet felt cool and comforting; there were no sticks or rocks to cut my bare feet, not here in the green grass, this meadow that was laid out before the forest. I turned to look back at the meadow behind me and the hill just beyond that. Somehow without even noticing I had walked the short distance to the edge of the forest. I could see the rocks and sticks and loose gravel that would now be my soles companion. The path through the forest was dark and wet, the end nowhere in sight.
I knew that the moment I stepped foot in that vast forest of green and brown that I would lose the path, there would be no more light from the horizon that lit the meadow behind me, I would no longer be able to turn back and find my way around this woodland. Almost by their will, my feet began to move forward. Stepping one step at a time, slowly inching, moving forward into what was now my fate. Just before I stepped fully into the dark shadows of the colossal trees that would now be my only companion, I turned to look to each side of me and sadly noticed that if I had looked sooner I would have seen that all I had to do was walk around the gathering of trees, the edge was but so close that I could have gone around it. And then it was dark.
The light from the horizon squelched into nothingness. I could feel the cuts beginning in my sole; I could hear the sound of my breathing as the darkness intensified. What was I to do now, but walk forward only using my instinct to guide my way. I had never been in a forest like this before, I had never seen such miraculous trees, the very shape of them left me in awe, and wonderment. The thick dark roots and intertwining branches causing within me a great fear, but also a glorious dizziness.
I felt as though I had been walking for days with no end, my feet sore from the rough path, my head aching from the low light, my hands reaching to find some sort of guideline, but never finding it. Suddenly I felt the rain, from a storm that I knew in my subconscious mind, would overtake me. I could hear the raindrops hitting the leaves and feel the wetness on my naked arms. Cold and afraid, I began to cry, would I ever find my way out of this dark abyss? Would I ever feel the warm rays from that long awaited horizon? Would I ever feel the cool, soft grass beneath my feet once again?
I had lost sight of the horizon, I lost sight of myself. What was I to do now? Where was I to go? Who could save me? Weakness began to overtake me and I fell to the ground in utter despair, crying with everything that I contained in my soul. And yet even if I eventually found myself in the light of the horizon again, I knew that a little piece of me would be left behind, left here in this forest to wander alone. That piece of me, that piece of my heart would forever and always be lost in this vast green forest never to be a part of me again.

I am creating this post in the hopes of conveying my UTTER hatred and disgust for spiders! I don't like them at all and I wish that all spiders in this world would burn in a fiery death! It may sound cruel but I spiders have never liked me either and sometimes I think that they even plot my demise as well....

"Oh how you disgust me, you dark hairy bug,
How you send fear right through me, as you stand on the rug.
Crawling around with your eyeballs of many,
Your foul hairy body is the size of a penny.
You sneak and you scuttle with a devilish crawl,
Climbing and creeping in bedroom walls.
Oh how I wish that you would just die,
Cause the very sight of you, makes me want to cry."

The Plot of the Evil Text

A Morning Song

Time is moving faster whilst you sleep,
The morning dove has whispered her peep.
And yet unfailing you never move,
A solo contest you wish to prove.
Sleeping forever to block from your mind,
Thoughts from the past which were unkind,
My sleepy love though, don’t you forget,
That lesson learned from thought of regret.
So wake my dear love, and hear my soft voice,
Whisper to you, you now have a choice.
Awake and take in God’s glorious sight,
Stretch out your body use all your might.
Awake, awake and take on the day!
Get out of bed and kneel to pray!
Then receive the day with all that you have,
Working as hard as truly you can,
Making the best of all that you are,
Then reaching that point and raising the bar.

I wish to now take this time to explain how this poem came about, it was not planned, which is usually how these things go, but I had actually written this poem to annoy and irritate my boyfriend. See last night around 11:30 PM I had planned to hear from my boyfriend...let's call him Morgan. Anyway, he had said that he would call me after his activity for the LDS YSA. Thinking that the activity couldn't go that late, I assumed that he would call as soon as he could and that something had happened to detain him from keeping his word. So being the sweet, wonderful, devoted girlfriend that I am I decided to wait up for him... I waited, I waited, and I waited. Finally around 1:00AM (Utah time) he called. To be fair he did have a good reason for not calling me until such a late hour and he did apologize. However, since I am lacking on several hours of sleep I am not in a particularly giving mood.

So after he FINALLY called me we talked for another 2 hours... making 3AM my bed time. Now it would not have been so bad, had I actually been able to sleep in. But seeing as I had a LDS Temple dedication at 8:30 and we had to be in our seats at 8, I had to wake up at 6AM! Leaving me with only 3 hours of sleeping time. Anyone who really knows me or who has been around me when I am lacking in the Z's, knows that I get kind of strange and silly to the point, I'm guessing, of being annoying.

When I was awaken at 6AM by my dear mother, I had the nasty little thought to text Morgan and tell him how much I hated his freakin' stinky guts! Luckily I came to my senses and decided that it would be best to wait until after the dedication to text him my hate message. Unfortunately after the dedication, where I spent my time mostly trying not to fall asleep and having strange dreams of surgery, licorice, and temples, a good feeling actually began to envelop me and I didn't want to waste my time being mad at Morgan. So again with being the good girlfriend that I am, I sent him a text informing him of my evil text plot and telling him how I had resisted the temptation.

So here I am waiting in my car after the dedication floating on a cloud of good feelings and happiness. The second I walked in the door... good feeling gone. I began to plot evil ways of getting back at him. (this might have had something to do with the fact that he never texted me back, which meant that he was still asleep, and also because I remembered that he would probably be asleep until 12:30 because his church didn't start until 1) Bitter that I had to wake up early, and tired (obviously) I wanted to get back at him by making him wake up too. So in my Z-less wisdom I sent him a text and this is what it said; I am going to keep sending texts until you wake up. (I did warn him) and I preceded to send him text after text, again and again. Sending him random thoughts and even writing him a poem. (thus the poem that you read above) Over and over I texted him hoping to finally wake him up.... 39 text messages later, I still haven't heard from him.

The End. Now that the story is over I don't know whether it proved how dedicated my boyfriend was to sleep, or if it proved how insane I get when I don't get my beauty sleep. (Is that why they call it beauty sleep? Because you act like an uglier person?) Either way, I think it puts text messages in a bad light.

Goodbye...

This is going to hurt, I can feel it. I can already feel the pain creeping up on my heart. It will be like a dream, lasting only what seemed like a moment and then fading. I will miss you, I will miss being able to touch your face, feel your hugs, taste your kiss. I am not in love with you but I do love you.

So goodbye, goodbye to the tickles, goodbye to the licking, goodbye to daisy, the office, and grandma's bedroom. Goodbye to late nights and long goodbye's. Goodbye to root beer, candy, and indoor. Goodbye to facial hair, G.B., and gold. Goodbye my lover face! Goodbye my honey bunches of sweet oats... and cream!

I felt my heart beating faster as I stared longingly at the tree ahead of me. I wanted it, that was not doubted, but how badly I wanted it was the question in my mind. Was I willing to give all to achieve this long awaited goal? Was I willing to sacrifice my life to achieve that which was precious above all? I could almost feel the soft breeze that blew around this glorious gift, almost feel the taste of my finished goal, and almost, as if I was standing there on that hill, could I feel the love that must surround such a wondrous place.

But I had lost sight of my goal, I had given a piece of myself to feel loved for just a moment. Not a love that would last but a sort of fleeting love that would in the end leave me feeling empty. I had put in jeopardy the very gift I had been asked to protect, only to find something that I thought I had wanted more. Could I now, after I had risked everything, return to that goal? Would that man who cared for the tree accept me as I was? Would I be able to continue on?

I stared at the tree through a dark fog in utter despair, watching my goal slowly slip through my fingers. How could I find it now?

Suddenly through the darkness there was a small glimmer of brightness. A tiny light, that grew slowly along with my hope. A smooth warmth filled my heart and finally I knew. Yes I was willing to give, willing to sacrifice my very life in pursuit of this goal, this love that was above all, most precious and sacred. And so I stood in the darkness and watched as the light filled the space around me. I would, I can, I will walk on.

I have decided that with the celebration of our nation only a few weeks past that I would like to share what I have written in the hopes that someone will read it and be inspired to do what's needed. I would just like to say that I do not wish to offend anyone with my words, only inspire. But if you are offended by what I say or by the fact that I love my country or that I am asking you to love it too you can take it up with the hotline I am offering; www.nobodyreallycaresifyouareoffended/getalife.com (not a real site, this is just here to help the sorry saps who can't deal with their feelings on their own, feel better about being a complainer and a schmuck)

I Am American

"I feel an overwhelming sense of sorrow come over me when I see the path that our nation has chosen, when I see men who have lost their love of country and sense of honor, when I see men steal money from the people in the form of higher taxes and stricter laws and when I see men who are willing to do whatever they can to become more powerful than their peers, I feel a dismay in my heart that I fear will forever be a part of my daily life should we continue on the path we are on. I am hurt and pained to the very core by the brainless and preposterous things that are happening today. I am constantly sickened to see men shirk their duties, inflict injustice, spread lies, forget their families, and strive to climb the ladder of pride and power at the expense of the liberty of others. I feel aggrieved when I hear men criticize and ridicule our great country, tearing it down to nothing more than a piece of land.
I understand that we are not perfect, that our country has made mistakes. I know that there are moments when one might bow their head in embarrassment, but I hope that I am never ashamed to say that I am American. I am tired of those who would disgrace my country because of her small failings. Those who would wish to change what I dearly love about her. Those who would wish to dishonor her good name. And to them I say we live in a damn great country! And we are more than just lucky to be living here, roaming free on a land that is not ours but merely something that God has loaned to us.
We have become so consumed by our petty dreams that we have forgotten the very first dream, the dream of living in a land of liberty. Free to dream, to live, a place where one can hope for a future with endless possibilities, a land where even the smallest person is able to strive for greatness, or live humbly. If our Founding Fathers were to see us now they would turn away in disgust and shame, our behavior, despicable and disgusting to them. Our constant bickering, backbiting, and power struggle over who did what, who said what, and which party is at fault. This country is not about ‘left’ or ‘right’, it was not founded on right wing or left wing principles, it was founded on good principles, on hope for the future, and the continuous search for truth and liberty.
When the Founding Fathers called us the United States, they didn’t mean united with one side, they meant united in one goal. United in the goal of freedom for all, they knew that we needed both the left and the right to make this country work. An eagle does not fly as well with only one wing, and the Founders knew this, they knew that to help us achieve liberty we needed separate parts united in the one goal of Freedom.
There are many evil and malicious men who wish to steal our liberty from our grasp in the name of fairness and equality, staking their claims on the foundation of socialism, communism and Marxism while poking fun at those who would wish to maintain that liberty. They come to us as wolfs in sheep’s clothing, pretending to be saviors of the world and nation,
We must now change the course of our future. We must stand and say ‘No More!’ No more will we be careless, prideful, apathetic, ungrateful, hopeless, or unwilling to do that which is necessary to maintain our freedom. We must now, stand and fight for our freedom once again as our founding fathers did, as our many war heroes did. Except now we need not leave our shores for this battle, we merely need to stand where we are, to stand when there is injustice, stand when we believe, to stand when we know, and finally we must stand united and say “We are Americans!'”

Reality

This moment tasted more real to me than anything I had ever before tasted. I could feel the sweetness of it's memory, hear the beating of it's living heart. What could I do now, but believe. Believe that out there was someone for me to love just as I loved the shadow of my dreams. I had never felt so imperatively close to insanity or so strangely close to freedom as I did in this magical, heart stopping moment. I am free. Free from the bonds that held me captive in my own heart, free from the dreams that pushed out reality. What is a life, if only spent in dreams? Nothing. Nothing more than a hollow memory of shriveled hopes spent in utter misery.

The First..."Puffball Called Ron"

"There once was a puffball floating high in the air,
It floated around me while I sat on my chair.
Dancing and bobbing this way and that,
Moving as graceful as a swaggering cat.
Delighted at once that I’d made a new friend,
I called to the puffball and it began to descend.
“What is your name, oh dryer lint spawn?”
I heard a tiny voice say, he calls himself Ron.
“It is quite nice to meet you, oh Ron of the fluff,
You seem to be made of some really neat stuff!
He bounced and he landed quite fit on my nose,
So with a puff of my breath into the air he rose.
He moved and he danced with the air of my breath,
Finding himself a new place to rest.
“Goodbye you old puffball” I joyfully called.
As he moved out the door and into the hall.
He vanished from sight; in a wink he was gone,
Goodbye you old puffball, the puffball called Ron. "

I decided that I am also going to use this Internet space as a way to share some of the things that I have written. This one is one of my favorites only because of how it was written. I was sitting at my desk in my apartment and I was trying to do my homework. And when I am trying to focus on something that I don't really want to do I usually get really distracted and this poem is a good example of what happens when it's late and I am trying to procrastinate my work. My roomate and best friend Chelsey I'm sure enjoyed my insanity... well it's just the Scottish in me!

Under the California Sun

It is now June 22 and I am enjoying my summer in beautiful, sunny California, where the sun is warm and the people are a different kind of crazy. I miss Utah and my friends there, but I have made some really great friends here.

I have already learned so much in the month and a half that I have been living here. One thing that I learned is that I actually do want to have children... I know that seems sad that I would not want to have children, but I just didn't feel up to having kids. (luckily it wasn't something I had to decide right away.) But I think because I had been living the single life for so long that when I would babysit for my sisters I wouldn't feel free like I did when I was alone at my apartment and all I had to worry about was me and what I wanted to do. But now after spending some real time with my nieces and nephew, I find that I actually would love to have kids.

I also learned that I am picky when it comes to guys and that I need to learn to lighten up... at least according to almost every person in my family and almost every friend who has really known me. So that is something that I am going to be working on this summer.

I also just learned (thanks to facebook adds) that free doesn't ACTUALLY mean free... it means free after you purchase 'this' or only after you pay for shipping and handling. I also just had an epiphany that this was not just true of the offers on facebook but also something that is part of daily life. When you see a sign that says free usually in smaller print you'll find that you have to buy something first. Not to be a downer...it's just something I realized. Now there are a few things that come free, a few things that are actually free in the true meaning of free. Like free samples at the grocery store... those are usually free without having to buy anything.

That seems like a downer and it sounds like I am bitter...but I am just realizing this, so for those of you who have already come to this conclusion, know that I am not bitter about it (Not really anyway) I just have come to this knowledge and therefore feel that I must write about it.

Along with all this inspired knowledge that I have already written about, I found something else. See I am living at my sister's house with her and her husband and kids. And because they only have three rooms I am on the couch... by no fault of my sister or her family... but because I have never desired to wake up to a baby crying and the only other place for me to stay would be in the girls room. (my twin niece's) So I have now stayed on my sister's couch for the last month and a half. It's actually not so bad... well not as bad as some would think. It's a comfortable couch and I enjoy not having to make a bed. Which is a big thing for me... it's one thing that I really do not like to do. I have thought about moving into the girls room anyway... hoping that maybe it would be better for me even though I would wake up when the girls wake up.

But back to what I have learned... see sleeping on the couch and having no real place to put my stuff... i find that it's a lot harder to have any motivation for anything really. So I haven't exercised since I was in school, which was several months ago. So as you could probably guess, I have put on some weight... not a lot... but it's definitely more than I would like to have on me. So I haven't really known what to do... how do I exercise? I hate running. I have no money to go to a gym. But I realize that a really great exercise, something that I think many people take for granted, that I love to do anyway... dance. Dancing is a great way to get your heart rate going and a fun way to lose weight! I think that this is an ingenious idea! Who doesn't love to dance?? Who doesn't love music?

I think that if everyone spent 30 min a day getting up and dancing to some fun music, they would loose weight as fast or maybe faster than most exercises. I mean I am not any sort of expert on the body or exercise or ways to be healthy... it's just something that has really got my heart rate going. and it's a good movement to help with weight loss. I might just start my own workout videos... yeah that sounds like a great idea! lol

But those are the things that I have learned so far this summer. I have come more into my own and learned who I am... I have also learned more ways to loose weight, I learned that I can be a little up tight and that I stress about things that are not things to stress over, I learned that I do actually want to be a mom, and I learned that sometimes the world does want to screw you over but it's nothing to be bitter about...

I know that this entry might not make total sense but these are truly things that I have learned so far and I felt the need to write about it. It's OK... It's just the Scottish in me...